The Constant Struggle That Is Life

Blog-

Always so many thoughts running through my head that its not funny. I knew when this week started that it was going to be a bad week. I just had this really really huge feeling that it would and it hasn't let me down yet. From my bank account getting locked up because someone tried to access it which caused like 6 overdraft fees, to once again work stressing me out. Because I spoke my mind about not being happy I dropped in all the managers eyes and its true cause I saw their rankings today and i slid big time. That's okay...I don't really care what they think or anyone besides my family. No one else really loves me so it doesn't matter to me. I want to get out of my current department once again because I want a bigger challenge and I want to get paid to take that challenge. I'm not a money grabber but we could all use more and I need to get to a place that will truly challenge me. I decided to stick with Psych no matter what. I need to work a job that I'm the boss that way it is all on me to succeed or fail. Its just what I need. I can't do the corporate thing. It just doesn't work for me. So that's settled and I'm going to be done with school ASAP because I need to get out of here. I can't take it. Its killing me being in this place with few if any true friends. I've never been one to amass tons of friends. I like having a close 5 or 6 that I always do stuff with. Its much easier to trust them then. I have maybe 2 or 3 at this point in my life up here. I don't have time to make tons of friends. That doesn't bother me cause I'm about ready to reenter the reclusive stages of my life where I do what I need to do and don't worry about being social. Outside of a possible date this weekend, that's my last true social event.

Dating is an always frustrating thing to everyone at some point in their life. I'm just like everyone else that I'm sick of it and trying. Right now I just don't try enough because I don't think the other person cares at all about dating and just is worrying about themselves. Hard for me to invest time and effort into something that isn't going to do me any good. I know you're probably thinking "wow he thinks too much about it, its just dating". But at the same time I don't want a girl to think "we're just dating" or not caring or thinking about it. That is never a girl that I want to date even though I've been stuck with several in my past experiences. Life is fun. That's really all it boils down to. No one can argue that fact. I'm going to get out of my current department into a real one that will challenge me and get out of here and onto graduate school ASAP. Get done with that and start to finally enjoy life. Cause right now the joy in life is so far and few that its tough. I don't enjoy much more at all. Not music, games, movies, tv. I really only enjoy sports and that's just about it. That and being with my family. My mom told me today that they're going to put our dog to sleep and I'm really saddened about that because that dog is family. 14 years of my life with that dog. She knows me better than most. I can just go out and talk to her and sit down with her and enjoy doing nothing. Love that dog. That was a really random tangent but that dog is the 7th member of our family. So anywho's when I figure out how this weekend goes I will let you know. If the date turns into something then I bet I avoid the recluse stage. If it doesn't then who knows. Love life...

-Salem